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love/lust

 One thing I have always struggled with is knowing the difference between love and lust. Obviously, there are the google definitions, I mean in friendships and relationships.  A lot of my friendships start with infatuation, a whole lot of "why aren't they messaging me back immediately", "I miss them", "clearly I mean less to them than they do to me". My brain didn't seem to recognise that people have jobs and lives they can't be messaging me all the time. To me, it was like they didn't like me and they didn't want to be my friend (wasn't the case) unless they messaged me back immediately. This often caused issues for me as a kid, going through friends faster than the lunch line in primary school goes through school cake. When I grew up this started to extend to relationships, it would usually last a few weeks into a new relationship that I would get bored and walk away. It wasn't actually that I was bored, it was that I was no l...
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The absent but present parent

 

The absent but present parent

Sometimes a parent can be absent but present, they are in your life but know nothing about you. One parent knows how to calm you and what is happening every day, the other knows the basics. One parent asks about that friend you made and have become really close to; the other parent doesn’t even know the friend’s name. One parent misses a birthday or says something mean, the other parent is always there to remind you they love you. Sometimes I feel it is harder to have an absent but present parent than just an absent parent. The parent who clearly doesn’t understand how your brain works and how you are feeling. But you sit there, begging for them to change thinking one day that parent will just be present. The older you get the more you understand that will never happen, after all, you cannot change someone. You learn that the present parent will always be there knowing about what you are going through that day and the to the other my days was ‘fine’.

As horrible as it sounds… you learn that you will be let down. You learn not to expect much.

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