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love/lust

 One thing I have always struggled with is knowing the difference between love and lust. Obviously, there are the google definitions, I mean in friendships and relationships.  A lot of my friendships start with infatuation, a whole lot of "why aren't they messaging me back immediately", "I miss them", "clearly I mean less to them than they do to me". My brain didn't seem to recognise that people have jobs and lives they can't be messaging me all the time. To me, it was like they didn't like me and they didn't want to be my friend (wasn't the case) unless they messaged me back immediately. This often caused issues for me as a kid, going through friends faster than the lunch line in primary school goes through school cake. When I grew up this started to extend to relationships, it would usually last a few weeks into a new relationship that I would get bored and walk away. It wasn't actually that I was bored, it was that I was no l...

Wish i could have had a warning

 

Wish I could have had a warning.

Before I left university I developed agoraphobia. I was absolutely terrified to go to lectures and to be away from home. The one thing that sticks in my mind is being told by someone that they wish that I would have warned them I could get this bad. Now for their own privacy I won’t mention their relationship to me. All I will say to their comment is… me too. I wish I had known that my disabilities would disable me…strange, I know. Not every autistic person knows what is going to happen (a lot of us are mind readers I know, kidding) and to expect that from them isn’t fair. I recognise now that my behaviour must have been distressing for them but it was for me too. Just like this person I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t know I could get myself into a state that meant I couldn’t leave my home.

All I can say to someone going through the same thing I have with my anxieties is…

Its not your fault, you didn’t choose to struggle the way you do, and you shouldn’t have to be around anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself.

And for someone who’s loved one is going through this…

Be kind. Not only to them but yourself, it can be incredibly frustrating and upsetting to witness but you are doing your best with what you know.

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